Today, I went to the gym like any other Sunday. On the weekends are the times I am usually able to sneak away from the house for bit to go clear my mind, and release some tension that's been building up. Escape Autism in a way, too.
Just to go there for an hour and not have my brain running in 3 different directions is a nice reset. I get to the gym and as I usually do, I go right up to the treadmills and hop on. Ughhh I needed this. Just me and the run. I was in the middle row of treadmills with some in front of me and some behind me. I started my warm up
jog, watching the NCAA Baksrtball tournament on my tiny tv, I'm mindlessly jogging. Honestly not thinking about anyone around me, until a particular walker caught my eye. In the row in front of me, over a couple treadmills was an adult man who was on the spectrum. I can tell by the way he was walking with his toes slightly pointed out which almost made his walk a shuffle, his shirt tightly tucked in, his slip on shoes, his big noise canceling headphones, his iPad and most importantly how he was so enthralled with the woman on the treadmill next to his. She was his Mom, and he watched her every move. And I was hooked, I was the one watching their every move.
There were points throughout my run where I had to remind myself to stop starting. I know the feeling all too well of eyes glaring at the back of my head or Alan's head. But my stares weren't judgmental, it was admiration. I was watching them in awe. I was so impressed with the way this young man handled himself. Yes there was some flapping out of excitement, but man there was so much determination and hard work going on. The amount of sensory overload possibilities that make up a gym is unbelievable. I was so proud of this Mom and son for braving this environment, together.
Once his Mom finished her work out, he was done too. She cleaned off both treadmills and he waited patiently at the foot of the treadmill for her to be done. When she finished cleaning, she could tell he was starting to get a little inpatient and anxious. He wanted to leave but wouldn't leave at the same time. It was at this moment I saw this Mom, this fellow warrior, lay down all her pride in front of the whole gym. She didn't care who was around or watching. He was heightened, and she wanted to work through it right then and there. She stepped down off the treadmill toward him, grabbed his head with his headphones still on, and pressed her forehead against his. They held their heads there for a good 20 seconds and at this point I could not stop watching this complete selfless act of pure love. At the same time, a beautiful smile came across both of their faces and her sons shoulders immediately lowered, his body let out a big deep breath and that was that. She took his hand and they walked out of the gym. Mission accomplished, they worked through it and were leaving hand in hand both with smiles. My heart bursted, I had tears rolling down my face along with streams of sweat pouring down. I couldn't contain myself, I was a legit hot mess. It was like I felt every emotion they felt in that moment. And before they left the area of the treadmills I made sure to make direct eye contact with that Mom, give her a big accepting smile to let her know without saying a word that I had her back. She knew it, I could feel it.
It's really something as a parent of a child with special needs, when you feel that acceptance feeling regardless of the behaviors that are going on. It makes you feel like you can breathe when more than likely you were holding your breathe that whole time. Today was amazing to witness, be a by stander, to watch their bond grow with every second of being there. To see them show their own love in their special forehead way of applying pressure, and embracing each other, made me think of Alan, of course. Not many people know that he will push his eye against your chin or cheek bone when he really really really loves you. It's a badge of honor us special needs moms get to wear, the physical love we get to embrace, even if it is a wet eyeball!
With Grace-
This Autism Mama
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