Toughest Kid I Know

Toughness... when most hear that word they probably think of a body builder, a football player, a wrestler, an athlete of some sort, which are all very accurate images. I've always thought that way as well, you have to be physically and mentally tough to be a successful athlete. But I'm beginning to learn that there are many different aspects or phases of toughness.

My vision and perspective has switched over the last year. When I think of toughness, I think of Alan. When I think of resilience, I think of Alan. When I this perseverance, I think if Alan. It's almost like Alley IS the epitome of a top notch athlete, just to get through his daily life.

Let that sink in, and not just Alley, every child like him as well. This absolutely crushes my soul to put it in that perspective. It hurts to know that this little guy who is loved beyond measure, has to basically have the physical and mental toughness of a marathon runner to get through one day. And some days DO feel like a marathon for all of us, but mostly for him.

At least once a week, I get a dose of reality. It could be after a tough behavior battle, or when Alley is super sad and emotional about something, in which I'm trying to figure out or anything like that and when it's over I have this lightbulb go on. "He is seriously the toughest kid I know." He could be in pain somewhere and because he's nonverbal, this child has learned to live with pain his whole life. And most of the time the way he communicates it is through behaviors, so add that meltdown to his physical being on top of something hurting him and it is mind boggling how he pushes through to be "okay". In the moment as his Mom, I'm upset, I'm angry with him for acting this way, I'm sad because this could be such an easy fix if he were verbal and I can't fix it quick enough. I'm jealous of boys his age who are able to live their life day to day and not feel one single thing that he feels day in and day out. It's not a great way to feel on the inside but as a protective mother, how could you not?

When these moments hit me, I just don't think we give our children enough credit for what they go through on a regular basis. Noises, smells, tastes, inner feelings, outer feelings, being told where to go, what to do and how to act ALL. THE. TIME. has to be nothing short of exhausting for them. I admit it, I get lost in the hustle and bustle of life especially with my other two boys getting older and much more involved in a million activities but this directly effects Alley as well. If you really take a step back, from all that is going on in the world and truly look at your child with special needs, you will see something so much bigger than anything we are. You will see a superhero, who has learned to navigate this life the best way they can and they push through for us. It really is amazing when you think about it, isn't it?

Cherish those thoughts, especially when things get rough, bring those thoughts back to the light. It'll help everyone.

With Grace,

This Autism Mama