Today is Alley's 8th Birthday. Yes, 8, I cannot believe it. He's our oldest child and some days, more than others, I feel like he is teaching me how to live.
It's so odd, the way I feel on Alleys birthday. Don't get me wrong, I love birthdays, and his birthday is no different. He deserves to be celebrated, just like every other child. However I would be lying if I said there wasn't a little lump in my throat that creeps up on me every August 18th. I hate it. The thought of where he is at for his age, kills me inside. The fact that we still don't have more than a word or two breaks my heart. It makes me feel like we have another year gone, and I'm not sure we accomplished enough, or as his Mother that I did enough for him and his growth. It eats at me every single birthday. And I'm not sure that will ever change.
On these days though, I have to take a step back, as my husband always reminds me. I have to look at where we have come from instead of where I wish we were. This special day is not about me and my feelings, my wishes for Alley, or how his 8 years of life could have been drastically different if he didn't have, Autism. Alley is Alley, and that includes every single piece of him. I need to celebrate him for who he is not who he should be or could be. He has come so far, I know this, but as his Mom it's very hard to not fixate and obsess about wanting more out of this life, for him.
Today, this day, is about Alley. And if I had a couple wishes for him in his 8th year of life it would be the following:
•I want you to be happy, truly happy every single day.
•I hope that you feel how extremely loved you are.
• I wish that you find your voice and are able to get your needs met.
•And I wish that you knew how much you mean to me. I know I tell you all the time, but I really hope you truly understand that you are my soul.
Happy 8th Birthday to my Alley Boy! We love you! Time to celebrate YOU!
With Grace-
This Autism Mama
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