Yesterday I had another eye-opening experience. You would think after nine years on this journey that those experiences would be nonexistent anymore. I will say they have slowed down, and I don’t know if that’s because I’m just more callous to them or they’re happening less but either way they’re definitely not as frequent.
We took ALAN to a new functional doctor yesterday. We liked his other functional doctor that we were working with, however, things got busy with life, she had a baby right after we had a baby and neither one of us really kept up our end of the bargain. So we thought it was time to continue on the functional route, but we went with a very well-known functional Doctor who works with a ton of children on the autism spectrum. I was a little nervous as always, usually these first time appointments are countless questions, bloodwork, urine samples, and all the things that are physically impossible for our children to get through. But I will say I was very pleasantly surprised from the moment she came out of that office door. Just like any adult who interacts with our family, I am always expecting them to talk to me or my husband first. This doctor was different and in a good way. Instead of coming to my husband or myself she went right to Alan stuck out her hand for him to shake it and introduced herself directly to him. And when he did not immediately stick his hand out to shake it back, she didn’t waiver and she didn’t quit. She kept her hand there and looked him in the eye and said something that tugged right at my heartstrings. She said “Hi Alan, I am Doctor (name), and it is a pleasure to meet you. It’s okay if you don’t want to shake my hand, but I will leave it here if you want to.” She acknowledged my husband and I, but then turned her attention back to my son and said “I know you are in there and I know you understand every word I am saying so please come back to my office so we can talk with you.” And in that moment, Alan was accepted, Alan was welcomed and Alan was treated just as any nine-year-old boy should be treated, with respect and kindness.
Right then in there, Alan stuck his hand out, not too far though, but just a little enough for her to know that he understood what she was saying. He got up and followed her back to her office but not before putting up a little stink with getting his height measured, can’t win them all right? My husband and I did not say anything to each other at that point, but we did exchange a glance in which we both knew what the other was thinking and how much we appreciated this doctor for talking to our son just as he deserves to be communicated with.
The appointment itself lasted 2 1/2 hours, which is the longest any medical professional has ever spent with us and Alley. Her office was very kid friendly, with beanbags and pillows, toys and sensory items. Anything that a child on the spectrum would need to feel comfortable and adapt to the situation. The next part of this moment, as I like to call it, was when we all sat down in her office together. My husband and I sat in the chairs that were there. She sat behind her desk, and Alan sat on the couch with his tablet. Before we even got into anything my husband and I wanted to talk about, she told us to give her a second and turned her attention once again to Alan. She said “Now Alan we are going to talk about you and some of it might not be that great to hear. But just know that your Mom, Dad, and myself are all here to help you and that is what this appointment is about.” Alley then looked up from his tablet, looked at my husband, looked at me, and then his eyes went back down his tablet, but all three of us adults in the room knew that he understood what she said yet again.
The appointment went basically as expected. We went over past bloodwork, health history, current diet, current supplements, and what our family goals and wishes are for our son. I will say I did not feel half as overwhelmed with daunting tasks in front of us, leaving this appointment as opposed to other appointments we have had in the past. Maybe it’s because we have already done some of the footwork with a liver detox, but either way what she suggested felt “do-able”.
I cannot say enough, great things about this doctor, and we are only starting with her. But the way she treated my son for the little time we were with her, is something my husband and I will never forget. When we got into the car to head home, I did not even bring it up. My husband looked at me and said “can you believe the way she interacted with Alan?” I just shook my head in disbelief, not because I couldn’t believe that someone would speak to him that way. I was wrapping my head around how she interacted with my son is not the standard of how everyone should interact with my son and any child like him. It made me question, and think hard about all of the interactions he’s had in his life. How frustrating it must be, with the other interactions he’s had to let people know that he is in there. He does understand and he does hear you.
Again, we are always on this journey with our guy, just plugging away. Then there are these experiences that come out of nowhere and hit you like a ton of bricks. I absolutely know that this holistic functional route we have decided to take with our son, is very expensive and pricey. But to see the way, she respected him, talked with him not to him, and made him feel like a typical nine-year-old boy was worth every penny yesterday.
With Grace,
This Autism Mama
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