Growing up my family was dedicated to sports. My sister, brother and I all grew up playing many sports at the same time along with multiple travel teams. We were everywhere. Our family vacations were usually tacked on to the front or back end of tournaments that were in other states. We were THAT family. I don't regret if for a second. Our sports families became our family's friends. It was a community that gave a built in bond. My husband grew up playing sports as well, so as you can imagine, we want the same for our boys. I'd be lying if I said the fear of not having that childhood for my kids because of Autsim wasn't there. It was and it is, just a little less.
As Vinny is getting older, his games are more frequent, longer in duration and a little more intense where I actually want to watch the game. It has always been my goal to have Alan be a part of every single thing our family does, why shouldn't he? Last year, there were many games that my husband or I wouldn't be at because of Alan. He just couldn't bring himself to stay at a game. Too much going on for him to process and he would constantly be a nervous wreck, pacing, walking, even running away. If we didn't comply with him leaving the field, it was a meltdown. But it broke me to seperate the family during these times. We stuck out the whole season and brought him to every game last year as hard as it was, for everyone.
This might sound mean, but in our minds as his parents, we know sports will be a part of our lives forever. Between me as a high school basketball coach, Vinny playing his sports, Joey playing his sports and hopefully Alley starting at some point, he had to get used to the enrionment of sports. We put last season behind us and had some hope moving into this season. He is in a different space than he was last year all around, so again, we had hope it would go smoother.
Last night, Vinny had another game. The accommodation we make as a family is my husband takes Vinny and Joey to the game early. He's a coach so he has to be there for warm ups as well. While he's there before us, he sets up all of our chairs down the left field line. We bought Alley a foldable chair that rocks, it's really amazing, found it at Costco (if anyone's looking, great for anything outdoors for kids that need some input while sitting). Then I bring Alley right at game time. This has helped tremendously. Yes, having two vehicles at the same park might sound silly, but it works for us and him. Having these things set up before we arrive helps depleate any extra chaos that he needs to sort through to be there. Just makes it one step easier for him transitioning to the ball field. The big lights still intimidate him, but he's doing better with that. A year ago he could not even walk past them. He would curl up in ball, throw himself into my body or my Dads (his papa) body trying to escape them, yelling and crying. He was absolutely terrified. Now, he does still get a little apprehensive to walk by, but he will slow down, look at them from many angles, point to them to show us they're still there, and we eventually move past them to make it to Vinny's field.
Yesterday was a big game for Alley. He did so wonderful and listened so well. Usually I try and confine him to our chairs, but yesterday he was adamant on standing up by the fence, watching the game. It made me nervous because I had the feeling he was going to get comfortable standing up, which then turns into him grabbing my hand and trying to pull me somewhere else. But yesterday, he would go to the fence, watch for a bit, then come back. I need to trust him more, and I'm learning how through this. He walked to the bleachers a couple times, pulled me to sit with him, and we did so so so appropriately, which was huge. We then moved to the picnic tables, on my demand not his, to be closer to the dug out. I was worried to this would cause more chaos for him but he transitioned beautifully. It was getting late in the game, and he was kind of over it, but again still behaving beautifully. I could just tell. When we moved to the picnic tables he just kind of sat, and then became mesmerized by the pattern of the actual table. At first I thought he was trying to fall asleep, then I realized what he was doing, he was counting the holes in the table. This brought out so many emotions for me. When he was little, counting would calm him. It was predictable, he knew what to expect, which number was coming next. It was almost his way of resetting himself. So, of course I counted with him. His eyes had to be super close to the table because well that's just how he does it. I don't question it, if it works for him, it works for me. The counting continued we got up to twenty two times through, and then after that he was back up bouncing around and finished the game so strong! Even sat behind second base after the game playing in the dirt.... that boy can do whatever he wants when he is as good as he was last night. I was beyond proud of him. Sometimes I think I know what he needs more then him, and I forget that he is the one that knows himself best. I need to trust him more, I need to let him be a little bit more and I need to stop trying to intervene thinking I know what he needs more than him. I just need to listen with my eyes more and see what he is becoming.
With Grace-
This Autism Mama
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