Shifting Perspective

"What soul signs up for that journey? What soul signs up to say yes put me in a body that at eighteen months of age is going to suddenly lose verbal skills and no longer be able to look my mother in the eye?"

-Dr. Zach Busch.

The rough patch we hit at the beginning of the year had me questioning so many things. I questioned my faith. I questioned Autism and the ability of it to evolve. I questioned Alleys future. I questioned our future as a family. If we would ever be able to go on a family outing, to go to the grocery store, the gas station, anything! This went on for months and months. Nightly breakdowns for this mama, curled up in a ball while everyone else was asleep. Feeling so hopeless, so lost and quite frankly beat up mentally and physically. We all felt this way, Alley included. Prior to this time, yes of course we would have tough days, some better than others. But we always bounced back. This time was different. We did not bounce back. It was brutal day in and day out from morning til night. Something need to shift in us as parents, his voice and his biggest support system and it wasn't until I heard Dr. Zach Busch speak that I started viewing our journey in a different light. Different perspective.

The tile of what he spoke about was "we NEED Autism". That struck a chord with me. Why? Why do we NEED Autism? Why does MY son NEED Autism? So many questions that are unanswered throughout the diagnosis of Autism that this just did not make sense to me. I had to change my perspective and my view of Autism to understand that Alan is my teacher. I am not teaching him anything anymore. He is teaching me, and everyone he graces with his presence. He is the teacher, I am the student. My view of parenthood was not this. I envisioned a totally "typical" life, the white picket fence, the SUV, the sports games and practices, the school dances and events. This is not what I got, and that is okay. What I got is something so different, so special and sacred that most parents will never be able to understand the bond that I have with Alan. Or that my husband has with his son. It IS sacred, and I needed to understand that whole heartedly to be open to this new way of viewing our life instead of trying to "fix" him.

Don't get me wrong, there many situations that still happen that are very difficult to navigate with Alan being nonverbal. We are working on it the best we can and once we shifted the way we work through the tough situations, Alley became more comfortable in his skin and just existing. Instead of us always viewing his behaviors or meltdowns as just that, we started to try and really comb through what was his message he was trying to tell us. Instead of trying to correct what he was doing "wrong" in the typical world's eyes, we started to embrace it and become our child's detective. It gave us a new purpose of WHY are these situations happening and what we can do to help right then and there. Our language, tone and body language has drastically changed when approaching delicate situations like these . And what we have noticed is his reaction to our reaction shortens and softens the hard times.

There is a bottom line to this post and that is everyone, including your child, is doing their absolute best even if you don't feel like it. Dr. Busch also says something so powerful that shifted me completely. He said "What is the soul that jumps into a mother that will have an Autistic child? How courageous is that journey? How courageous is the soul that jumps into the father that will see his family taken to the brink of bankruptcy and often into bankruptcy out of the healthcare costs and the lack of support from the social structures at hand." When we take a second to really soak that up, our souls all of ours, were chose to be on this path. I firmly believe this, and it's okay if you don't agree. This is my belief and something that has helped changed my perspective completely as a mother. I wouldn't have been able to navigate this really rough year we have had without shifting my perspective. Once I did that and became open to so many other possibilities, our life shifted. Be open, be courageous and be the lucky soul that was handpicked to be on the journey you are on. Everyone is here fora reason and we NEED Autism to make this world a better place.

With grace-

This Autism Mama